Reclaiming Your True Self: Why the Kid Still Belongs in the Picture

How to Reclaim Your True Self and Remember Who You Were Before the World Rewrote You

🔻 TL;DR:

You weren’t born lost.
You were trained to forget.
That kid is still here. And it’s time you let them lead a little.

I’m a movie and documentary buff, and one of my favorites includes a moment that stuck with me ever since I heard it.

It’s what a legendary producer said when everyone else wanted to cut a young unknown from a film he had no business being in — at least by Hollywood standards.

That sentence didn’t just save a career.

It declared something bold.

It drew a line in the sand.

“The kid stays in the picture.”

You don’t get to erase him.

That kid was Robert Evans— green, raw, not “studio material.”

The execs wanted him out.

But producer Darryl Zanuck wasn’t having it.

He made a decision that changed everything.

And here’s why that moment matters:

Most of us didn’t get someone to fight for us like that.

We didn’t get to keep our kid in the picture.

We got told to cut him out.

Tone her down.

Grow up.

Get quiet.

Be who we were told to be.

And we did.

But that’s where inner child work begins—when we stop pretending we’re past the pain.

We didn’t just grow — we got rewritten.

But the original version of you?

The one before the costume changes and character edits?

Still exists.

That’s why the line hit me so hard.

You don’t get to erase me.

There’s a photo of me from childhood.

I’m beaming — light in my face, ease in my body.

No performance. No pretending. No playing the role I’d one day be handed.

Just me.

Before the edits.

Before the noise.

Before I started becoming someone I wasn’t, just to survive a world that didn’t ask who I was in the first place.

That kid?

He’s still here.

And now he’s calling me back.

Before You Were Edited: Reclaiming What Was Always There

That photo didn’t just show up one day and start whispering to me.

I found it because I was doing the work.

The uncomfortable, often inconvenient process of untangling who I’d become from who I really am.

It happened during a coaching program I was completing with Shirzad Chamine, the creator of the Positive Intelligence program. His work centers on the idea that we all have a Sage self.
That grounded, wise, joyful part of us that knows how to navigate life with presence and purpose.

Not the reactive you.

Not the overthinking, overachieving, over-it-all version that’s just trying to survive the day.

The real you.

During the process, one of the exercises invited us to reconnect with that essential self, not by writing about it, not by imagining it, but by actually finding a photo from childhood that captured that essence of you.

No filters. No performance. Just truth.

It just so happened that a longtime family friend sent me a picture about a week prior.

Looking at it, I remembered the version of me who still existed underneath it all and realized how far I’d drifted from him.

Why That Picture Shook Me

I looked at that photo the other day. The one I mentioned earlier.

And I saw something I hadn’t let myself see in years: the ease.

The joy.

The light that hadn’t been dimmed by “being realistic” or “doing what needed to be done.”

Not just a memory.

A mirror.

That’s the power of a single image.

It reminded me that nothing essential ever disappeared.

It just got buried under survival strategies.

I didn’t lose myself.

I adapted myself.

Which means — I can reclaim myself too.

That’s when I came across a phrase (on TikTok) that hit me like a truth bomb wrapped in simplicity:

The concept wrecked me a bit — in a good way — when I first heard it:

The Semel Self.

Thank you, Court Creedon

Let’s get into it.

Semel Self.

Latin roots. Semel = “once” or “a single time.”

It’s the original you.

The unrepeatable, unfiltered self that existed before the world told you how to act, who to be, and what not to feel.

It’s not your “inner child” in a hallmark card way.

It’s your unmasked identity.

The part of you that:

Didn’t shrink to fit the room
Didn’t hustle for approval
Didn’t learn to perform just to feel safe

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart.”

~Jeremiah 1:5 (NIV)

No matter your belief system — whether you call it God, Source, or the Universe — the point is this:

You were known. You were intentional. You were given purpose.

For me, I choose to call that presence God.

But regardless of the name, this truth still stands:

You weren’t born out of alignment.

You were born on purpose.

You just learned to adapt in ways that pulled you off center.

Which means — you can unlearn it too.

How We Learn to Shrink: Losing the Real You

The Semel Self doesn’t vanish in a single moment.

You don’t wake up one day and say, “Time to betray my true self.”

The edits start early. They happen slowly.

Subtly.

Strategically.

They become masks.

Then they become habits.

Eventually, they become full-blown self-sabotage patterns we call ‘just who I am.’

You get rewarded for being quiet.

So you learn to shrink.

You get praised for being helpful.

So you learn to disappear.

You get criticized for being too much.

So you learn to perform just enough.

All of that?

Because you’re wired to survive.

You’re wired to belong — even if it means bending yourself into someone else’s blueprint.

That’s where so many of our self-sabotaging behaviors begin—trying to be loved without fully being seen.

And the world? It hands you the edits early:

Family says, “Don’t cry.”
School says, “Raise your hand.”
Culture says, “Fit in.”
Religion might even say, “Die to self,” before you’ve ever met yourself.

Let’s be honest.

Most of us are carrying around a highlight reel of what people rewarded us for:

Being the responsible one
The achiever
The fixer
The quiet one
The one who didn’t need much

All roles.

All edits.

So, you adapt. You conform. You succeed at the cost of clarity.

Somewhere along the way, you stop asking:

“Who am I really?”

and start asking:

“What do they need me to be?”

You become efficient at shape-shifting.

You become excellent at editing yourself for the room.

We got applause for the performance, and somewhere along the line we started believing that was the only version that deserved love, safety, or success.

And you forget that the room was never supposed to dictate your worth in the first place.

This is how we lose the kid.

Not through failure.

Through success at becoming someone we’re not.

But here’s the grace in it:

You weren’t born edited.

You were taught to cut parts out.

Which means… you can choose to put them back in.

You can shed the costume.

The Semel Self —the real you—never left.

She just stopped getting stage time.

He’s been waiting in the wings while the polished version of you ran the show.

Time to give them the mic again.

Reclaiming the Kid: It’s Time to Come Back to Yourself

If you’re ready to stop being a stranger to yourself…

You don’t need to reinvent.

You don’t need to become someone new.

You need to remember who you were.

Before the edits.

Before the applause.

Before the survival roles took over.

This isn’t about regression.

It’s about reclamation — the kind you fight for when your sense of worth gets shaken.

Like it does after a layoff. If you’ve walked that road, this post on reclaiming your value after job loss might speak to you.

And reclamation requires a return — not to your past, but to your truth.

Here’s how:

How to Reclaim Your Authentic Self (In 5 Steps)

🔹 Step 1: Find the Photo

Don’t overthink it.

Go find a picture of you before the noise.

Not the stiff school photo. The real one.

The one where you were laughing. Messy. Loud. Free.

The one that captured the light.

Sit with it.

Look at it for five minutes — no scrolling, no distractions.

Ask:

What do I see here that I haven’t seen in myself in a long time?
What’s still in me that I’ve ignored or forgotten?

🔹 Step 2: Name the Roles You Inherited

Make a list of all the roles you were rewarded for growing up:

The Strong One
The Quiet One
The Achiever
The Peacemaker
The One Who Didn’t Need Anything

Now be honest:

Which ones still run your life?

Ask:

Are these really me?
Or are they costumes I wear to be acceptable?

🔹 Step 3: Spot the Shrinking Moments

Think of one time you were told — directly or indirectly —

“That part of you doesn’t belong here.”

Could’ve been your joy.

Your sensitivity.

Your boldness.

Your voice.

Now flip the question:

What did that moment teach me to hide?
What would it look like to bring it back — even a little?

🔹 Step 4: Write Your Unedited Bio

Forget your resume.

Forget what’s impressive.

Write 5–7 sentences that describe the real you — no titles, no performance.

Start with:

“I was the kind of kid who…”

End with:

“And I think that version of me is still alive in…”

Let it be messy. Let it be true.

🔹 Step 5: Do One Thing They’d Do

Today.

Not next week when your schedule clears up.

Not once Mercury leaves retrograde. Today.

Something small. But real.

Dance in your kitchen without needing a reason.
Say what you actually think in a room that rewards silence.
Create something with no end goal.
Laugh louder than you’re supposed to.
Cry without apologizing.

Give the kid the mic for a minute.

You might be surprised what comes out — and what it costs you to keep listening.

If you’re ready for that truth, this post on the real cost of change goes deeper.

Deeper Reflection: Coming Back to Yourself

You’ve done the journaling. Maybe you’ve even tried therapy. But this isn’t just about healing your inner child. It’s about remembering who you were before the world edited you.

You’ve seen the photo.

Named the roles.

Tracked the edits.

Touched the truth.

If you dare to go deeper, ask yourself: