We all have that one problem we’ve wrestled with for as long as we can remember. You know, the one that sneaks up on you even when you think you’ve mastered it. Mine? It’s expecting everyone to be like me. Yeah, I know it sounds a bit self-righteous but stay with me here.
I’ve always been intentional about treating people with respect, weighing my words carefully, and considering how my actions affect those around me. In other words, I try to move through life with a certain mindfulness. But then, like clockwork, I’m hit with the rude awakening—they’re not like me. I catch myself thinking, “Why can’t they just meet me halfway?”
You see, my problem is expecting everyone to operate from the same set of principles. And when they don’t, I either step back and make a mental note or, on rare occasions, I let my guard down and vent. And of course, that venting never feels good afterward. I’m left with that sinking feeling of failure. But what if the real lesson here is learning to stop expecting ‘you’ from other people?
We’ve all been there, haven’t we? You expect certain behaviors, a level of decency, respect, and mindfulness from others because that’s exactly how you treat them. You’ve trained yourself to be intentional in how you move through the world. All this, while hoping that others—family, friends, colleagues—would do the same for you. But here’s the kicker: They don’t. And suddenly, you’re left with a familiar sting, thinking, “What just happened?”
Let’s call it *The Expectation Problem*. It’s one of those sneaky little devils that many of us carry around. The issue isn’t the act of expecting respect, but assuming that because we operate in one way, others will follow suit. I’ve lived with this problem since early adulthood, and while I’ve got a handle on it (mostly), there are still moments when it sneaks up on me. Boom! The expectation trap is sprung, and just like that, I’m right back where I started. Here’s how coaching got me back on track.
Own Your Lane
We talk about staying in our lane. What we don’t talk a lot about is owning your lane—about focusing on the one person you truly have control over: *you*. You’ve probably heard the old adage, “The only thing you can control is your reaction.” But really, it’s not just about reaction. It’s about self-management and personal development. You set your values, your boundaries, and your intentions. And while it’s fantastic that you’re treating others with the decency and respect you believe in, here’s the real kicker: You can’t expect everyone else to do the same.
Let me say that again for the folks in the back: You can’t expect everyone else to do the same.
Sounds like a buzzkill, doesn’t it? But hear me out. This isn’t about lowering your standards or becoming a doormat. No, not at all. This is about maintaining your own principles, standing firm in your own lane, and being cool with the fact that others may not be on the same page. And when they aren’t? Well, guess what? That’s their lane. Let them stay in it.
Stop Expecting You from Other People
Here’s where most of us trip up. We expect people to mirror our level of thoughtfulness, kindness, and mindfulness because, well, that’s what *we* do. But the cold hard truth is that people aren’t you. They don’t share the same experiences, values, or outlooks. And when they fall short of your expectations, it’s not a failure on their part—it’s just a reminder that you need to stop expecting *you* from other people.
It’s a simple, but powerful lesson. Once you stop expecting others to behave like you do, you’re opening up a whole new realm of freedom for yourself. It’s like stepping off the hamster wheel of constant disappointment. When you give up the idea that everyone else should see the world the way you do, life suddenly gets a lot lighter.
Humor in the Disconnect
Now, if you’ve ever found yourself unloading a rant after someone missed the “respectful human” memo, you’re not alone. I’ve done it. We’ve all done it. There’s something oddly therapeutic about letting loose, isn’t there? But let’s be real: It never feels good afterward. You spend the next hour or two mentally replaying the scene, beating yourself up over it, or worse, giving yourself a pep talk with, “They not like us,” in the back of your mind, as Kendrick Lamar aptly reminds us.
This disconnect between your expectations and reality is almost comical when you think about it. Here you are, riding on your high horse of mindfulness, expecting people to match your vibe, and boom! You’re blindsided by an interaction that feels like it came out of left field. Life has a way of humbling us like that. And sure, you could go down the rabbit hole of frustration, but where does that leave you? Exactly where you started—circling around the same problem, but with added baggage this time.
Acceptance as Freedom
One of the core tenets of PR4LIFE is the idea of acceptance. No, not the fluffy kind of acceptance where we all sit around singing Kumbaya and pretending everything’s fine. I’m talking about *radical acceptance*—the kind that gives you real freedom and self-empowerment.
Acceptance doesn’t mean you let people walk all over you. It means you release yourself from the mental gymnastics of trying to figure out why they don’t behave like you do. It’s a powerful shift when you realize that *their* behavior is not your problem to solve. It’s not even your problem to understand.
Here’s a truth bomb: When you stop expecting others to live by your standards, you’re setting yourself free. Free from frustration. Free from disappointment. Free from wasting your precious energy on things you can’t change.
Sure, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking, “But why can’t people just be decent?” And to that I say: People are people. Some will, some won’t. It’s not your job to fix them, and more importantly, it’s not your job to change your values because others don’t share them.
Protect Your Peace
So what do you do next? How do you avoid falling into the same trap over and over again? First off, protect your peace like it’s your most valuable asset—because it is. This doesn’t mean shutting people out or distancing yourself from human interaction (though, let’s be honest, sometimes that’s tempting). It means setting firm boundaries in how you engage with the world.
Don’t get me wrong: It’s not about becoming some zen master who’s impervious to the chaos of others. That’s unrealistic. But when you make a conscious decision to focus on your lane, to operate with your own set of values, and let go of the expectation that others will follow suit, you become the gatekeeper of your peace.
Now, here’s where we inject a little humor. Let’s say the next time someone behaves in a way that just throws you for a loop, instead of getting angry, just laugh about it. Because honestly, how ridiculous is it to expect everyone to live by your rulebook? (Spoiler alert: they won’t.) Picture yourself as a referee blowing a whistle every time someone steps out of line according to *your* standards. You’d be blowing that whistle 24/7. Exhausting, right? So maybe, just maybe, it’s time to retire the whistle and let people play their own game.
It’s All About Perspective
At PR4LIFE, perspective is everything. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. It’s not just a catchy phrase—it’s a life principle. When you stop seeing someone’s behavior as a personal attack or a failure to meet your expectations, you can start seeing it for what it really is: a reflection of their own lane, their own journey, their own stuff. And that’s got nothing to do with you.
This doesn’t mean you excuse bad behavior, but you also don’t carry it with you. Think of it like wearing a raincoat in a storm: the rain falls, but it doesn’t soak you. You acknowledge it, you deal with it, but you don’t let it affect your core.
Wrapping It Up
So, the next time you find yourself falling into the expectation trap, take a breath and remember: *People are not you.* And that’s okay. It’s more than okay—it’s freeing. You get to be the best version of yourself without needing anyone else to validate that. And when you start owning your lane, protecting your peace, and shifting your perspective, life becomes a lot less stressful and a whole lot more enjoyable.
Now, if you’re tired of feeling stuck in this cycle of expectation and disappointment, and feel like it’s time to dig deeper. You’re invited to book a Discovery Call or visit us at PR4LIFE, to find out more about exploring practical tools and mindset shifts that can help you live authentically, with peace and purpose. I’m here to support you in taking charge of your journey—because life is too short to live it any other way.
So, if you are you ready to own your lane? Let's get started.
