Everyday, people from all walks of life—public figures, business leaders, and everyday individuals—grapple with the silent battle of self-sabotage. Whether it’s burnout culture, social media comparison, or imposter syndrome, these hidden mental roadblocks keep us from reaching our true potential.
Former First Lady Michelle Obama has candidly discussed her experiences with imposter syndrome, revealing that despite her accomplishments, she often questioned her own legitimacy and felt like she didn’t belong. Similarly, actor Kevin Bacon admitted that after Footloose made him a household name, he struggled with feelings of self-doubt and attempted to sabotage his own success, fearing he didn’t deserve it.
But it’s not just public figures who experience this. With social media showing us everyone’s highlight reels and impossible success stories, it’s easy to feel like we’re never doing enough—and that’s where self-sabotage creeps in.
Have you ever felt like you were so close to something great, but somehow, you found a way to stop yourself? Maybe it was procrastination, overthinking, or convincing yourself you weren’t ready yet. That’s self-sabotage at work.
But here’s the truth: the barriers keeping us stuck aren’t as real as they seem. Self-sabotage is a learned pattern, which means it can be unlearned. And when we recognize it for what it is, we can start to break free—one step at a time.
Recent studies show that self-sabotaging behaviors are more common than ever—especially among high achievers. According to Psychology Today, self-sabotage happens when our thoughts and actions work against our own best interests, preventing us from achieving success, happiness, and fulfillment.
Have you ever felt like you’re standing in your own way, watching opportunities pass by but not sure why? Maybe it’s procrastination, self-doubt, or playing small when you know you’re capable of more. The truth is, we all do it—sometimes without even realizing it. But what if you could break the cycle? What if the barriers holding you back aren’t real obstacles, but patterns you can change?
Let’s dive into the root causes of self-sabotage, why do we do this to ourselves, and to break free from your own limitations.
What Is Self-Sabotage, and Why Do We Do It
Self-sabotage isn’t just a bad habit—it’s often a deeply ingrained pattern linked to fear, self-doubt, and negative subconscious beliefs.
According to Verywell Mind, self-sabotage can manifest in many ways, including:
- Procrastination – Putting off important tasks and justifying inaction.
- Negative self-talk – Telling yourself you’re not “good enough,” “smart enough,” or “worthy” of success.
- Perfectionism – Setting impossibly high standards, then feeling paralyzed by fear of failure.
- Self-destructive habits – Engaging in behaviors like overeating, excessive drinking, or avoiding responsibilities.
- Fear of success – Subconsciously believing that if you succeed, you won’t be able to handle it.
Many people don’t even realize they’re sabotaging themselves, because these behaviors feel automatic or justified. But the truth is, self-sabotage isn’t a lack of ability—it’s a lack of self-belief.
What Triggers Self-Sabotage?
Self-sabotage doesn’t just show up randomly—it’s usually triggered by specific situations, emotions, or fears. When you become aware of what sets off your self-sabotaging behaviors, you can start taking control before they spiral.
📍Fear of Failure (or Success!)
Ever hesitate to start a big project because you’re afraid it won’t work out?
Or maybe, deep down, you worry that if you do succeed, you won’t be able to maintain it?
➣Fear of failure makes people avoid risks, procrastinate, or make excuses,
➣Fear of success can lead to playing small, downplaying achievements, or quitting before things take off.
📍Past Trauma & Negative Experiences
If you’ve ever failed in a major way—a business that collapsed, a relationship that ended badly, or a time when you were publicly embarrassed—your brain might try to protect you by avoiding similar risks.
➣If you grew up being told you weren’t “smart enough,” you might avoid opportunities where you could prove yourself wrong—just to stay in your comfort zone.
➣If you’ve been rejected before, you might self-sabotage relationships by pushing people away first.
📍Stress & Overwhelm
When life feels overwhelming, it’s easy to fall into self-sabotaging behaviors just to cope.
➣You have a major deadline approaching, but instead of tackling it head-on, you binge-watch Netflix because it feels safer.
➣You want to get in shape, but after a long day of work, you self-soothe with junk food instead.
📍Perfectionism & The “All-or-Nothing” Mentality
A lot of self-sabotage comes from perfectionism, which tells you that if something isn’t done perfectly, it’s not worth doing at all.
➣If you can’t go to the gym for a full hour, you skip working out altogether.
➣If you don’t have the perfect business idea, you never start.
➣If your first draft isn’t flawless, you don’t write at all.
This black-and-white thinking keeps people stuck, when in reality, progress is better than perfection.
📍Social Comparison & Imposter Syndrome
With social media constantly showing us everyone else’s “highlight reel,” it’s easy to feel like you’re behind in life. This can trigger self-sabotage by:
➣Making you feel like you don’t deserve success (“Who am I to be successful when others are more talented?”)
➣Pushing you into unrealistic standards that lead to burnout.
➣Causing you to procrastinate or give up because you feel like you’ll never measure up.
The key to breaking self-sabotage is recognizing these triggers and rewiring your response—which we’ll dive into later.
Overcoming Self-Sabotage to Find Success
Entrepreneur and executive coach Simon Lovell has openly shared his battle with self-sabotage, which once held him back through overthinking, addictions, self-doubt, and constant comparison. Much of his struggle stemmed from unresolved childhood trauma and a deep-seated fear of failure.
In 2013, while $50,000 in debt, Lovell made a bold decision to invest $30,000 in personal development—a move that many advised against. Through mentorship, he realized that his struggles weren’t just about business strategy but about shifting his mindset. By addressing these mental roadblocks head-on, he broke free from negative patterns and went on to generate his first $1 million in revenue by 2015.
Today, Lovell helps others overcome self-sabotage by emphasizing self-awareness, courage, and the willingness to confront fears. His story proves that true success starts with transforming the mind.
I’m clearly not Simon Lovell—I haven’t hit my first million yet. But his journey proves that success isn’t just about numbers; it starts with shifting your mindset and getting out of your own way.
My On-Going Battle with Self-Sabotage: How I Stopped Getting in My Own Way
I never thought I was someone who self-sabotaged. That was for other people—you know, the ones who ghost job interviews, binge-watch Netflix instead of chasing their dreams, or suddenly decide to clean the entire house instead of tackling their biggest goals.
Not me. I was just being cautious. I was just waiting for the right time. I was just making sure everything was perfect before I started.
Turns out, that was self-sabotage all along.
My self-destructive habits didn’t just show up one day, waving a red flag. Nope, as I reflect on my childhood, it snuck in early. It all started with a kid who thought he wasn’t good enough.
As a kid, I sucked at baseball. Like, really sucked. After striking out one too many times, missing too many balls in the outfield, I told myself: “I’m not good enough.” And that thought wasn’t just about baseball—it planted itself deep, spreading into every area of my life. I told myself I wasn’t good enough to play sports—so I didn’t pursue sports.
Even in areas where I thrived (music, academics), the need to be perfect kicked in. I wasn’t just in the band; I had to be the best in the band. And the best-in my mind meant being drum major. When I became drum major? That wasn’t enough—I had to make it bigger, better, more impressive, than the drum majors that had come before me.
What started as self-doubt turned into perfectionism, fear of failure, and fear of success.
• Fear of failure: If I failed, it meant I wasn’t worthy.
• Fear of success: What if I succeed, but I’m not as good as they think I am?
• Comparison trap: I looked at people ahead of me and assumed I’d never measure up.
• Perfectionism: If I couldn’t do it perfectly, I wouldn’t do it at all.
Ironically, as I sit here crafting this post, all those thoughts are still trying to derail me.
One simple thought (“I’m not good enough”) turned into a lifetime of self-destructive behaviors that still challenge me today.
A few years ago, life pushed me into my own self-development journey of balancing mind-body-spirit. (AKA, forcing me to face my own nonsense). I had worked with a therapist, but it was during my own journey into the coaching space that it really hit me—oh wow… I AM the problem. (Yes, we coach ourselves).
In my coaching development, I was introduced to the concept of Positive Intelligence and immediately jumped at the opportunity to learn more.
What I learned was that my biggest enemy wasn’t some external force—it was my inner critic. That voice that whispered: “You’re not ready.” “This won’t work.” “What if you fail?”
Turns out, these thoughts weren’t facts—they were just old survival patterns. Useful in childhood? Maybe. Helpful now? Not so much. It’s like my brain is still running on outdated software—time for an upgrade.
And that upgrade? I started with rewiring my brain and identifying my “saboteurs”—the negative thought loops keeping me stuck or stopping me from moving forward. For me, it’s a toxic cocktail of:
• Perfectionism (If it’s not perfect, it’s not worth doing).
• Fear of failure (Better not try than try and fail).
• Avoidance (Let’s just overthink this forever instead of taking action).
I started challenging the narratives, habits and patterns that have been holding me back or stopped me dead in my tracks.
I’m learning to stop obsessing over what I think I’m not good at and starting to celebrate even the smallest wins. And let me tell you it is not easy, but it can be life changing.
The biggest take away for me. Self-sabotage is learned, which means it can be unlearned.
✅ Instead of aiming for perfection, I now aim for progress.
✅ Instead of seeing failure as proof I wasn’t good enough, I now see it as proof I am growing.
✅ Instead of comparing myself to others, I now compare myself to the person I was yesterday.
And slowly, I’m getting out of my own way.
If any of this sounds familiar, let me tell you:
You are NOT stuck.
You are NOT broken.
And you are NOT alone.
I’ve been there. I’ve let self-doubt run the show. I’ve postponed dreams because of fear. I still have my moments, but every small step forward is proof that I’m no longer standing in my own way.
So, the question is—are you ready to rewrite your own narrative?
Five Actionable Steps to Break the Cycle of Self-Sabotage
1. Develop Self-Awareness:
Begin by identifying behaviors and thoughts that hinder your progress. Mindfulness practices can help in recognizing these patterns.
2. Challenge Negative Beliefs:
Question the validity of self-defeating thoughts. Replace them with positive affirmations and evidence of your capabilities.
3. Set Realistic Goals:
Break down larger objectives into manageable tasks. This approach reduces overwhelm and prevents procrastination.
4. Seek Support:
Engage with a coach, therapist, or support group to gain external perspectives and accountability.
5. Practice Self-Compassion:
Acknowledge that setbacks are part of growth. Treat yourself with kindness and patience as you work through challenges.
Final Thoughts: You Are Capable of MORE
Let’s be honest—we all sabotage ourselves at some point.
Maybe you’ve been on the verge of something great—starting a new business, going after a promotion, pursuing a healthier lifestyle—but somehow, you keep talking yourself out of it.
• “I’ll start next week.”
• “I just don’t have enough experience.”
• “What if I fail?”
• “I’m not ready yet.”
Sound familiar?
Here’s the truth: You are more ready than you think.
Self-sabotage thrives in the space between what you could be and what you allow yourself to be. It convinces you to wait for some “perfect” moment that never comes. But if you keep waiting, life keeps moving without you—and that’s the real tragedy.
The Moment You Decide to Change, You’ve Already Won
Breaking free from self-sabotage isn’t about suddenly becoming fearless, perfect, or never struggling again. It’s about making one small, conscious choice at a time:
• Choosing to send the email.
• Choosing to apply for the job.
• Choosing to step into the gym.
• Choosing to speak up in the meeting.
• Choosing to believe you are worthy of success.
Every time you choose action over avoidance, you are rewiring your brain to break the cycle.
I want to challenge you right now:
🔹 What’s ONE area in your life where you know you’ve been self-sabotaging?
🔹 What’s ONE small step you can take today to move forward?
Drop a comment or DM me—I want to hear from you! I can tell you from experience—there is nothing more powerful than proving to yourself that you CAN change.
If any of this resonates with you, I’m creating something to help. My 5-Day “Break Free from Self-Sabotage” Challenge is designed to help you recognize the patterns, rewrite the script, and start moving forward with confidence.
If this sounds like something you need, don’t wait for the ‘right time’ – your breakthrough begins now. Join the waiting list now at PR4LIFE.org to be the first to know when the 5-Day “Break Free from Self-Sabotage” Challenge launches. I can’t wait to do this together!
