A 5-Step Guide to Rediscovering Your True Self After Burnout and Life Transitions

If you’ve been following the Life Unplugged blog, you’ve probably noticed a theme emerging over the past few weeks—a theme of unbecoming, remaking, and shedding.

Last week, we talked about the elusive idea of “there”. You know—that place where you finally feel like you’ve arrived.

But in a recent conversation with my brother, “there” was clearly off the table. The deeper question surfaced instead:

Who is this person trying so hard to get there?

That kind of heady, deep conversation forces you to look in places you don’t always want to. It makes you relive past victories, setbacks, and even traumas that have quietly shaped your core.

It requires that you remove the many masks that keep emotions at bay, the ones you’ve learned to wear to survive, to protect, or to perform. And what’s underneath? That’s the part most people never see. Not even you.

Because the reason we don’t sit with ourselves—in the quiet, without distractions—is this:

When we dissect our inner self, it may not be pretty.

In fact, it can be downright sadistic.

But what if we took that time anyway?

What if we looked through the backdoor of our life?

What if we really did the deep dive?

Would we be paralyzed by past hurts?

Would we drown in self-pity?

Would we start to believe this is as good as it gets?

Would we finally see how we lost ourselves?

As much as I didn’t want to, I did.

I sat with me. In the dark. In the quiet.

I bared my soul.

And when it was all said and done, I had one question:

Who am I?

If you’re sitting in that same silence, asking yourself that same question—

Read on.

The Mirror Moment-Knowing When You’ve Lost Yourself

Maybe you’ve felt it.

That quiet sense that something is… off.

Like you’ve checked all the boxes, but life still feels misaligned.

Like you’ve spent years climbing a ladder only to realize it’s been leaning against the wrong wall.

Or maybe you’ve just lost the sound of your own voice underneath all the noise.

If that’s you, you’re not alone.

As a life coach, you would think I have it all together. I’ve mastered this thing called life. Not true. I often find myself in a mirror when working with clients.

I did a workshop on this very topic a few months back. I presented with authority, clarity and actionable steps.

But then, talking with my brother, it came to a head. It clicked that not only was I trying to get “there”, I really didn’t know the person – the me that was trying.

Then I realized—I had to go back to square one. To ask: who am I right now, in this moment? Because without knowing that, how could I possibly define the ‘there’ I’m trying to reach?

That hit me in the chest. Because I didn’t fully know the answer. And the life coach in me felt like I should.

The question haunted me. It followed me into the quiet moments—into the stillness I usually avoid. And as much as I wanted to brush it aside, I couldn’t.

So I did what I didn’t want to do.

Awakened out of my sleep at 3:00am,

I sat with it.

I sat with me.

It was a rough few hours, fighting to go back to sleep and struggling with my inner self in what felt like an emotional identity crisis.

I saw versions of me that lack all that I strive to be. Visualizing behaviors that no longer serve me. Revisiting past traumas – that I don’t speak about publicly. In those hours I saw the true me.

The mind has a way of building monuments to things you’ve already moved past.

Yes, there were versions of me I don’t look back on with pride.

There were behaviors I left behind because I grew.

And yes, there was trauma I lived through—and somehow came out stronger on the other side.

But here’s the trap:

Sometimes the mind tries to convince you that those things will always define who you are.

But here’s what I found…

I’d spent so much time becoming who I thought I had to be…

That I forgot who I actually am.

Somewhere along the way, the masks started to feel like skin.

And it was time to peel them off.

When’s the last time you saw yourself without the mask?

Unmasking the False Self and Reclaiming Your Identity

We live in a world that rewards performance, not presence. Productivity becomes identity. Hustle becomes worth.

Titles become truth.

And the deeper we go into these roles, the harder it becomes to hear our own voice underneath the noise.

Social media doesn’t help either. We curate personas to stay relevant. We share parts of ourselves that perform well and bury the parts that feel too complicated to explain.

Let’s start with the science.

According to research in cognitive neuroscience, your brain constructs your identity over time based on something called reflected self-appraisal—a fancy way of saying we form our sense of self by absorbing how others see us.

A 2007 study published in Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience (Lieberman et al.) found that the medial prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain tied to self-reflection—is significantly influenced by social feedback, approval, and cultural norms.

In other words, a huge part of how you define yourself isn’t based on truth—it’s based on repetition.

Repetition of what you’ve been praised for.

Repetition of who others needed you to be.

Repetition of the roles that earned you acceptance or survival.

“Over time, those roles don’t just shape us—they shield us.

And the scariest part? Most of the time, we don’t even realize we’re wearing the mask.”

The high achiever.

The responsible one.

The fixer.

The caregiver.

The tough one who doesn’t let things get to them.

The loyal one who stays even when they’re not okay.

The one who gets things done but never asks for help.

So let me ask you this:

If you took away the roles, the titles, the hustle, the expectations—what would be left?

Who are you without the applause? Without the doing? Without the mask?

In the True You workshop, we call this peeling back the layers.

Not coming apart—but finally letting go.

Letting go of everything you were taught to be, expected to be, or forced to be.

So you can remember who you actually are.

And if you’ve never done that work before—if this is your first time asking the question—you might not have an answer. And that’s okay.

This part of the journey isn’t about certainty. It’s about clearing space for the truth to surface.

I’ve worn more than a few of those masks.

The achiever. The dependable one. The strong one who keeps it all together.

Some I outgrew. Others?

They nearly became permanent—until life forced me to face the truth beneath them.

Rediscovering your true self isn’t easy work. But it’s necessary. Meaning it’s worth it.

The Backdoor to Self-Discovery-Sitting in Stillness

After the mask falls off, what’s left isn’t always beautiful.

But it’s real. And that’s where the work begins.

We don’t just wake up one day confused about who we are. That confusion is a culmination—a slow buildup of expectations, stories, and roles we were handed before we ever had a say.

And if we’re not intentional, those stories become our identity.

In psychology, this is known as narrative identity—the idea that we construct our sense of self through the stories we tell ourselves (McAdams, 2001).

But those stories often come from someone else’s script:

What your parents believed about success.
What your community said was acceptable.
What your culture taught you to suppress.
What past pain told you to protect.

In the True You workshop, we talk about this moment as finding the backdoor to your life—the quiet place behind the noise where you can begin to rewrite the narrative.

Because if you don’t challenge the script, you’ll spend your life performing it.

But you can’t rewrite what you’re not willing to read.

And that means sitting in the silence.

No distractions. No performance. Just you.

That’s what I had to do.

I sat with myself at 3:00 a.m.—not because I wanted to, but because my soul wouldn’t let me ignore it anymore. I replayed regrets I hadn’t confronted.

Patterns I thought I’d outgrown. Lies I’d swallowed so long ago they felt like facts:

“You have to hold it together for everyone else.”
“If you’re not producing, you’re not valuable.”
“Emotion is weakness.”
“You’re too much.”
“You’re not enough.”

That silence didn’t break me—but it did strip me.

And in that uncomfortable stillness, a few things became clear:

I was exhausted from pretending.
I had ignored my needs in the name of being needed.
I had lost joy chasing relevance.
I had accepted survival when I was made for more.

But here’s the hope:

You don’t have to stay buried under someone else’s story.

Silence isn’t a punishment—it’s an invitation.

An invitation to listen deeper.

To grieve what was.

To unlearn what no longer fits.

And to begin again—on purpose, in truth, from the inside out.

✍️ Just for fun, try this

What are the stories you’ve been handed—by family, faith, fear, or failure—that you no longer want to carry?

Write them down. Then ask yourself:

Is this story still serving me? Or is it time to let it go?

How To Find Your True Self

So the big question is: Who am I, anyway?

And maybe the better question is—who do I get to become now that I’ve laid everything else down?

If I’ve learned anything so far, it’s that identity isn’t just something you have—it’s something you uncover. It’s not fixed. It’s formed. Not by outside forces, but by the truth you claim once the noise quiets down.

Psychologists call this self-concept clarity—the degree to which you have a clearly defined, internally consistent, and stable sense of who you are.

Studies show that individuals with higher self-concept clarity experience greater self-esteem, resilience, and life satisfaction (Campbell et al., 1996).

But that clarity doesn’t just show up. You build it by letting go of borrowed beliefs and reclaiming your inner knowing.

And here’s what I know for sure:

You are not your job title.

You are not your trauma.

You are not your to-do list.

You are not your performance.

You are not what they expected.

You are:

A work in progress with sacred potential

A soul with purpose, even in the pauses

A reflection of resilience, not regret

A living, breathing miracle of grace and grit

Someone becoming, again and again

This is where the coach comes in.

Not because I’ve mastered it—but because I’m doing it.

I’m still working through the layers, still learning to live from the inside out.

These five steps helped me find my way back to myself—and I return to them often.

Maybe they’ll help you find your way back, too.

🔁 5 STEPS TO FINDING THE TRUE YOU

Let Go of the Lies

Identify the narratives that have shaped you but no longer serve you—whether they came from family, failure, or fear. Write them down. Challenge them. Release them.

Science tip: The brain’s neuroplasticity allows us to rewire old thought patterns. You’re not stuck—you’re being reformed.

Investigate Your Truth

What brings you peace? What drains you? What makes you come alive? Start tracking your patterns—not your performance. Your body, your emotions, and your spirit are always telling the truth.

Tip: Journal without editing. Let your truth rise, even if it’s messy.

Focus on What’s Real

Strip away the noise. What values do you want to live by? What kind of relationships feel nourishing? Real identity begins where performance ends.

Tip: Take a moment to write down the five people, places, or moments in your life where you felt most at peace and fully yourself.

What do they have in common?

There’s usually a value underneath the experience—something true that you can begin to live by on purpose.

Embrace the Becoming

Finding the true you is not about perfection—it’s about presence. It’s about choosing alignment over applause. Keep showing up for yourself with compassion, even when clarity is foggy.

Tip: Set a daily intention—not to be perfect, but to be present.

Even a five-minute check-in with yourself can create space for clarity to emerge.

Ask: What do I need today to stay aligned with who I’m becoming?

+ BONUS: Make Space for Grace

This isn’t a checklist—it’s a practice. And you’re allowed to be a masterpiece and a work in progress at the same time.

This isn’t about becoming someone new.

It’s about returning to who you were before the world told you who to be.

And that version of you?

That’s the one who can finally breathe.

✍️ Just for today, try this:

Write one sentence that describes who you are—without using your job, your relationships, or your achievements.

Start with: “I am…”

And let it come from your soul.

Final Thoughts-Rebuilding Identity

I wish I could tell you that after all this inner work, I’ve got it all figured out. That I’ve arrived. That I now walk through life with a flawless sense of self.

But the truth?

I’m still working on it.

Still peeling back layers.

Still catching myself slipping into old roles, quieting my own voice, or chasing validation.

The difference now is—I notice it sooner.

I come back to my center quicker.

And I trust that who I am becoming is worth showing up for.

This blog wasn’t about giving you all the answers.

It was about reminding you that you’re not alone in the questions.

If something in this resonated, I’d love to hear from you.