The Real Cost of Change: Why Transformation Requires More Than Desire

You Say You Want Change. But Are You Willing to Pay the Cost?

Most of you reading this will never manifest the change you want in your life.

I’m going to tell you why.

If you’ve been tapping into my LIFE Unplugged blog, you know a few weeks ago I asked this question:

Have you ever had one of those moments when you knew your life is about to change forever?

I didn’t just ask the question. I’m living it.

That life change I mentioned. It’s getting real. And honestly? It’s a little scary.

Even as I face it head-on, I feel the inner resistance. That pull to stay comfortable. That quiet voice that says, “Stick with what you know.”

And yes, part of me wants to listen.

But I can’t.

Because in order to grow, in order to walk in my purpose, I have to move. I have to do. I have to position myself for what’s next.

That means change.

Change is transformation.

Transformation means work.

Real transformation? It takes action. It demands alignment. And it will cost you.

Many of you say you want change.

But the work required is precisely why a lot of you reading this Will. Not. Change.

Stay with me here.

More Than a Buzzword: What Real Transformation Means (And Why Most Avoid It)

Let’s add some context to what change, and transformation really mean.

Change can be defined as follows:

make (someone or something) different; alter or modify
replace (something) with something else, especially something of the same kind that is newer or better; substitute one thing for (another)
the act or instance of making or becoming different.

Transformation is defined as a complete change in the appearance or character of something or someone, especially so that that thing or person is improved.

Change modifies. Transformation redefines.

This makes me think of when I moved into my home 6 years ago. I planted several arborvitae trees along the back side of the patio. They were 3 foot tall at the time of planting. Now 24 seasons later, they stand over 8 feet tall.

Here’s the takeaway:

They didn’t grow overnight and they didn’t grow without resistance.

In order for the arborvitaes to grow and transform, they had to go through changing seasons.

If you want to change and transform, you have to do the same. Surrender.

Think about this:

Summer doesn’t fight fall—it surrenders to what’s next.

As the days start getting shorter and the air begins to shift, you can feel the change in your bones. There’s a quiet urgency in the seasons, a divine rhythm that says: it’s time to let go. It’s time to move forward. And maybe, just maybe, it’s your season too.

That brings to mind this scripture:

"Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." —Romans 12:2

That verse has been quoted so often it’s easy to tune it out. But what happens when you really sit with it?

You realize: this isn’t a casual suggestion. It’s a command. Be transformed. That’s not something that just happens to you—it’s something you do.

Transformation is active. It means letting go of who you’ve been to become who you were created to be. It means rethinking the patterns, the narratives, the masks, and the roles that no longer serve you.

Do you want Change (modification) or Transformation (to redefine)?

Why Change is So Hard: This is What Resistance Looks Like

I didn’t plan to leave the career I spent decades building. But when the shift came, it came hard and fast. In the aftermath, I found myself asking, "Who am I without the title? The paycheck? The prestige?"

The truth? That loss became a turning point. Not because it felt good but because it forced me to confront everything, I was afraid to admit:

I was tired of performing.

Tired of chasing external validation.

Tired of surviving.

The career loss wasn't the end. It was the door.

The question?

Was I going to walk through it…

or let it stay closed?

I decided to walk through it but first my mindset had to shift.

I had to rewire how I was operating. You can read more about that in this post.

The truth is:

Until I did that, I could only see that change as the problem, not the solution.

According to a study by Villanova University, in business, change resistance often stems from deeply rooted psychological responses, including fear of the unknown and a preference for the status quo.

I believe the same holds true for individuals. At least in my case it does.

Even though I had started my coaching practice, I still resisted the job change because of my fundamental desire for control, stability, and familiarity. That was threatend by the uncertainty of the unknown.

So, instead of surrendering like the summer to the fall, I was trying to hold on to what was comfortable.

The Hard Truth About Change

We want the results of change without the work and without the resistance.

But the path to real transformation is paved with sacrifice:

- You’ll lose comfort

- You’ll shed identities that once made you feel safe
- You might outgrow relationships that can’t come with you
- You’ll have to release control

This Psychology Today article sums it up three key points:

Change can trigger fear and anxiety.
People cling stubbornly to what they believe is the “tried and true.”
Bias and misperception are a big part of resistance to change.

Again, a business reference, but it holds true for personal transformation.

And here’s the thing:

Staying the same has a cost too. It’s just slower. Quieter. And over time, far more painful.

Ask yourself:

What if the very thing you are resisting…

Is the thing you’ve been praying for?

You’re Ready for Transformation if:

- You're more afraid of staying the same than stepping into the unknown
- You’re no longer pretending what used to work is still working
- You’re willing to be uncomfortable for the sake of alignment
- You feel a quiet pull toward something deeper, even if you can't name it yet

If any of these resonate…

you’re not crazy.

You're ready.

How to Start Transforming Your Life: The L-I-F-E Method

Transformation doesn’t begin with doing. It begins with awareness.

We tend to use the words change and transformation interchangeably. I have in this post.

But truth be told, they are not interchangeable.

Whether you change or transform, neither is about following a list of steps.

Real change and real transformation start in the same place. In you.

This is where my L-I-F-E Method comes in:

It’s the exactly strategy I used.

It’s not a formula for change and transformation.

It’s a framework for alignment—where it all begins

Here’s what the L-I-F-E Method invites you to explore

1. Leverage What’s True

Start with what you know, not with what you fear.

What values, truths, or strengths have always guided you? Leverage those.

Ask yourself: What’s already in me that I’ve been underutilizing or ignoring?

You don’t need to be someone else to change your life. You need to fully step into who you are.

2. Integrate the Disconnects

Where are you out of alignment?

What parts of your life don’t match what you say matters?

Integration isn’t about perfection. It’s about honesty.

You can’t change what you won’t confront. Naming the disconnect is the first act of transformation.

3. Focus Your Energy

Change is costly and energy is your currency.

What are you giving time, attention, and emotion to that no longer serves you?

What would happen if you focused on the few things that move you forward?

Scattered energy creates stuckness. Focus creates traction.

4. Execute Small but Bold

You don’t need a master plan. You need one next intentional step.

Start small but move with boldness. Don’t wait to feel ready.

Transformation isn’t a moment. It’s a movement. And it starts when you act.

This isn’t about checking boxes. It’s about choosing to move intentionally.

And that starts with the willingness to do what most people avoid:

The inner work.

The honest work.

The hard work.

Final Thought

Summer doesn’t fight fall—it surrenders to what’s next. Maybe this is your season to do the same.

To stop clinging.

To stop forcing.

To stop waiting for permission.

Transformation isn't coming.
** Transformation is already happening. **

So the real question isn’t * "Do you want it?" *

It's this:

** Are you willing to pay the cost for the life you say you want? **