Off Track but Not Hopeless: A Coach’s Call for Clarity in Divided Times
I usually don’t write about things like this.
It may not be the tea some folks want to sip.
But here goes.
This country is at a crossroads—where political divides, cultural collisions, and competing versions of American history and a fractured national identity continue to pull us apart.
This isn’t about being politically right or left.
This is a human observation of a country on the brink.
The recent death of Charlie Kirk has sparked more than grief or outrage—it has exposed the deep, jagged fault lines running through our national psyche.
And often, the reactions reveal more about the culture than the act itself.
And that’s the problem.
Gloating. Rage. Denial. Dehumanization.
Not just from trolls and fringe voices—but from people who genuinely believe they are defending something noble.
America is at the proverbial fork in the road.
And oddly enough, this is exactly where my clients are when they find me:
No clarity.
No direction.
No vision.
So I was thinking today:
What if America sought me out?
What would it look like to coach the country?
If America Sat in the Hot Seat: A Coaching Thought Experiment
As a clarity coach, I’ve guided individuals through personal reinvention, and this country is showing the same signals: confusion, disconnection, and unaligned values.
In my group coaching sessions, once I’ve laid the foundation and delivered some value,
I invite a brave participant to step into the hot seat.
It’s a moment of truth. A chance to go deeper. To face what’s real.
So, let’s say America takes the seat.
The first question is always the same:
“What do you want?”
And I imagine the response might sound familiar:
“…One nation. Under God. Indivisible. With liberty and justice for all.”
That’s when I’d lean in and ask the next question:
“What does that actually look like?”
Because naming the goal is one thing.
But defining it?
Living it?
That’s where the real work begins.
This is the moment I pause.
I hold space for truth. Not performance.
And I would hope the answer sounds something like this:
“It looks like a country where our differences aren’t weaponized.
Where people are seen, valued, and judged by the content of their character—not the color of their skin, the God they worship, or the accent in their voice.”
“It looks like a place where liberty and justice aren’t just slogans. They’re lived experiences.”
That’s the vision.
But here’s the truth:
Just like individuals, nations carry wounds.
And when those wounds go unacknowledged, they fester.
They divide.
They destroy from the inside out.
And yeah… I feel like I need to unpack that.
Understanding the Root of the Great Divide?
From a coach’s lens, I don’t see enemies. I see people trying to protect something.
When I work with clients, I often find that beneath the surface, there is something they are trying to hold on to.
Sometimes it’s their belief system.
Sometimes it’s their identity.
Sometimes it’s just the need to feel like they still matter.
Our division is being fueled by:
Our perspective
Our perspective
Perspective is defined as a point of view. Our capacity to view things in their true relation or relative importance.
If America were in a coaching session, this is where we’d get curious about the why.
Because division doesn’t just happen. It’s shaped. It’s conditioned. It’s reinforced.
Perspective is the lens through which we experience truth.
And more often than not, the root of our division isn’t ideology, but misaligned stories and values.
What shapes our perspective in divided times?
Our perspective is shaped by the stories we inherit, the experiences we live, and the values we practice.
Together, these form the lens through which we interpret truth, identity, and division.
How Our Stories Shape What We See
We all grow up with some version of the “Dream” story.
- Some are told you can be anything.
- Some are told to dream small—because of where they’re from or what they look like.
- Some are taught that hard work pays off.
- Many watch their parents work two jobs and still barely survive.
They shape how we see ourselves in it.
And dictates who we believe belongs in it.
“Our divisions are often less about policy, and more about identity.”
Until we name the narratives that formed us, we can’t begin to understand the people who live by a different one.
This is where I often challenge my clients’ story with a single question:
“Tell me how that story is serving who you are now?”
Individual Lived Experiences
It’s one thing to inherit a story.
The ones passed down from generation to generation.
The ones that began coloring your view of your corner of the world.
It’s another to live through something that reinforces it or completely rewrites it.
And it’s imperative that you acknowledge either, or both.
They become filters.
They shape what we notice, what we fear, what we expect, and what we protect.
- If you’ve experienced injustice, you’re likely to notice where it shows up.
- If you’ve never been pulled over, followed, or excluded, it might be hard to imagine that reality for someone else.
- If you’ve worked hard and overcome obstacles, you might assume others can too, without knowing what they’re up against.
I’ve heard it said “we all have the same 24 hours.”
Not true.
No two people live in the same version of America.
We might share zip codes, faith traditions, or job titles,
but our experiences create entirely different landscapes.
That doesn’t make one experience more valid than another.
I often like to say two things can be true at the same time.
Your truth doesn’t negate the other’s truth and vice versa.
A failure to recognize and accept that; does explain why we often talk past each other.
When your lived experience is dismissed, so is your identity.
And when your reality is questioned, you’re less likely to listen to someone else’s.
Here’s my bottom line on this and you are free to disagree:
We’ve stopped being curious.
We’ve forgotten how to disagree without dehumanizing.
And we’ve outsourced our values to politics and platforms.
When Core Values and Practiced Values Clash
It’s not just the stories we inherited.
It’s not just the experiences we’ve lived.
It’s also the values we claim and the ones we actually live out.
It’s time to go deeper.
We all operate from a set of core personal values. Like everything else this will vary.
But our aspirational self is not always aligned with how we show up.
There’s a difference between core values, what we say we believe; and practiced values, what our actions actually reveal.
This is true for individuals. It’s also true for nations.
I believe:
Personal core values are the principles that guide your decisions, shape your behavior, and define what truly matters to you.
Things like integrity, compassion, freedom, faith, loyalty, or growth.
Practiced values are the ones that show up in your real life; especially under pressure.
They’re not what you write down in a journal or post on a wall.
They’re revealed in how you spend your time, what you protect when things feel uncertain, and what you prioritize when no one’s watching.
You can list “honesty” as a value, but if you consistently withhold truth to protect your image, the real value is reputation.
You can preach “family first,” but if you’re always at work or unavailable emotionally, your practiced value might be productivity or performance.
You can claim “faith,” but if fear drives every decision, the deeper value might be control.
And this is not about being perfect. None of us are.
It’s about being aligned.
Because, more often than not, your calendar, your bank statement, and your emotional bandwidth will tell the real story.
The same principle applies to culture.
We say we value freedom, but often only for those who think, vote, or live like we do.
We say we value justice, but only when it’s convenient or doesn’t require personal discomfort.
We say we value unity, but we spend more energy proving others wrong than finding common ground.
We say we value truth, but we often prefer the version that confirms our worldview.
And let’s be honest—none of us are immune to this.
We all have moments where our actions don’t match our intentions.
Where we live out of habit, fear, or programming instead of purpose.
Where our practiced values override our aspirational ones.
The goal isn’t perfection. It’s learning to live in alignment with who you say you want to be.
Coaching Reflection
When I’m working with clients, I don’t just ask them what they value.
I ask them to look at how they live, lead, spend, and speak.
Because that’s where the truth shows up.
So, here’s a question for all of us, nation included:
“Where are your actions and behaviors out of alignment with your aspirational values?”
Why We Can’t Even Agree on the Truth
Facts, Filters, and the Fractured Narrative
In a culture where facts are filtered through fear, perception often outweighs truth—and that fracture deepens division.
We like to say, “facts matter.”
But the truth is, we don’t all trust the same sources.
In today’s media landscape, perception often outweighs reality.
And confirmation bias drives almost everything we consume, repost, and believe.
It’s not just that we disagree on what’s true.
We disagree on how truth is even defined.
One group sees injustice. Another sees overreaction.
One sees corruption. Another sees conspiracy.
This isn’t about who’s right.
It’s about how we’ve been programmed.
And we can’t move forward as a country if we’re not even working from the same foundation of understanding.
And, when there’s no shared foundation, the first step isn’t arguing louder, it’s getting clear about what’s actually shaping the divide.
The Bridge to Closing the Gap is Built with Awareness
Before we can move toward clarity, we have to get honest about the fragmentation.
Not to shame. Not to lecture. But to see clearly.
Because you can’t realign what you won’t even acknowledge.
Acknowledgment isn’t agreement.
It’s not admitting fault or picking a side.
It’s simply the courage to say, “Something here isn’t working—and I’m willing to see my part in it.”
For individuals, that might mean questioning your own assumptions.
For communities, it might mean creating space for uncomfortable conversations.
And for the country? It starts with humility—from every side.
It also starts with remembering that history doesn’t disappear just because we stop talking about it.
The past doesn’t need to define us—but dismissing it keeps us from learning, from growing, and from building something better.
We can’t move forward by pretending the pain never happened.
We move forward by recognizing that history hasn’t impacted us all the same way and considering what it means to move forward more consciously, together.
What Does Realignment Actually Look Like?
In coaching, awareness is never the end goal.
It’s the turning point.
Once you see what’s been driving your story, your reactions, your values—it’s time to ask a new question:
“Now that I see it, what will I do with it?”
That’s where real change begins.
Not just personally, but collectively.
Because if the fractures we’ve named are going to lead to something better, it’s going to require intentional action on both sides of the mirror.
We need a new way forward.
And the same framework I use with individuals navigating personal reinvention can help guide our cultural realignment too.
Step 1: Start with What’s True
This is where transformation begins: with honesty.
With seeing things as they are, not as we’ve edited or performed them to be.
For the individual, this means telling the truth about your story.
The parts you celebrate and the parts you usually hide.
It means asking:
“What have I minimized to keep the peace? What’s the real cost of staying silent?”
For the culture, it means acknowledging the truths we’ve buried or rewritten.
Not to assign guilt, but to create space for growth. Because what you won’t name, you can’t change.
True transformation begins with self-awareness. In both personal growth and cultural change, coaching starts by uncovering the stories we’ve edited, avoided, or buried.
Step 2: Disrupt the Pattern
Awareness without disruption is just another version of comfort.
This is the part where you break the cycle.
For the individual, this means identifying where you’re performing instead of being.
Where are you saying the right things, but feeling out of alignment? Where are you shrinking to stay safe?
For the culture, this means holding space for opposing truths.
We’re not meant to all think the same, but we have to stop pretending that discomfort equals danger.
It’s about truth-telling, not uniformity.
Disruption is the first step to breakthrough, whether you’re confronting personal blind spots or challenging the collective narratives that no longer serve us.
Step 3: Refocus with Intention
Once you’ve seen the truth and disrupted the old patterns, you have a choice.
You can keep defaulting to what’s familiar. Or you can choose to move forward with intention.
Refocusing means asking:
“Who am I becoming through what I consume, defend, support, and share?”
It means filtering your actions and influences through the lens of your values not just your emotions.
For the collective, this means choosing connection over competition.
Prioritizing people over power.
Understanding that disagreement doesn’t require disconnection.
This is where clarity becomes the compass, not just personally, but in how we lead, vote, share, and serve. That’s cultural realignment.
Step 4: Put It into Practice
Clarity without action is just performance.
This is where alignment becomes real.
For the individual, this looks like having the hard conversation, showing up differently, asking deeper questions instead of assuming easy answers.
Not just talking about growth, but living it.
For the culture, this means moving from hashtags to habits.
From performative unity to practiced compassion.
From commentary to commitment.
Lasting transformation only happens when clarity leads to aligned action where insight becomes habit and growth becomes sustainable.
One Final Thought and a Call to Action
Next Steps for a Divided Nation
If America were my client, I’d say this:
We are off track—but we’re also at an inflection point.
And navigating this inflection point requires clarity, not control.
Alignment, not performance.
Purpose, not just reaction.
And the direction we take collectively will either make us better or burn the house down.
For all that may be wrong—or perceived as wrong—I still believe in the house.
We don’t have to agree to move forward.
But we do have to be willing to do the work.
Let’s build forward better.
We don’t need to fix everything to move forward.
But we do need to get aligned with our purpose, our people, and our personal truth.
So here’s my call to action:
And yes, this is your permission to begin.
Reach out to someone who doesn’t think like you, look like you, or live like you.
Start the conversation.
Ask better questions.
Choose the deeper value.
And then…listen.
Live on Purpose. Lead with Clarity. Thrive by Design.
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